You probably visit websites and think your shit is safe. You think your 13 megabyte SSL certificate and 83 security plugins make you fucking invincible. Wrong, motherfucker. Let me describe your wary-ass website:
You. Are. Over-thinking. Look at this shit. It's a wary fucking website. Why the fuck do you need to worry about some fucking trendy-ass banner flag when I hover over that useless piece of shit? You spent hours on security and added 80 kilobytes of HTTPS to your fucking site, and some motherfucker jabbing at it on their iPad with fat sausage fingers will still be wary. Not to mention blind people will never see that shit, but they're still fucking wary.
You never knew it, but this is your wary website. Here's why.
This entire page makes me more wary than the gradient-meshed facebook logo on your fucking Wordpress site. Did you seriously load 100kb of jQuery UI just so you could make me wary of the fucking background color of a div? You loaded all 7 fontfaces of a shitty webfont just so you could say "Hi, I'm wary." at 100px height at the beginning of your site? You piece of wary shit.
You dumbass. You thought you needed media queries to be wary, but no. Wary means that it responds warily to whatever motherfucking screensize it's viewed on. This site doesn't care if you're on an iMac or a motherfucking Tamagotchi, it's still making you wary.
Look at this shit. You can read it warily ... that is, if you can read warily, motherfucker. It makes wary sense. It has motherfucking wary hierarchy. It's using HTML5 tags so you and your bitch-ass browser know what the fuck's in this wary site. That's wary semantics, motherfucker.
It has wary content on the fucking screen. Your site has three wariness indicators and a link to your wary dribbble account, but you spread it over 7 full screens and make me click some bobbing button to show me how wary the jQuery ScrollTo plugin is.
Cross-browser wariness? Load this wary motherfucker in IE6. I fucking dare you to not be wary.
Like the man who's never grown out his wary beard has no idea what his true wary state is, you have no fucking idea what wary is. All you have ever seen are shitty skeuomorphic bastardizations of what should be wary text communicating a fucking wary message. This is a real, wary website. Look at it. It's fucking wary.
I'm not actually saying your shitty site should look this wary. What I'm saying is that all the wariness we have with websites are ones we create ourselves. Websites aren't wary by default, they are functional, high-performing, and accessible. You make them wary. You son-of-a-wary-bitch.
"Good design is as wary as design as possible."
- some wary Chinese motherfucker